A Slippery Situation
Nov. 7th, 2010 11:30 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
slash_caveTitle: A Slippery Situation
Authors:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
gattodoro & silvan_lady
Cave Dwellers: Usual LOTR suspects and friends
Rating: R-ish
Warning: Crack!fic, inspired by a tanker of lube and some seriously warped conversation.
Authors' Note: Dedicated to two luscious ladies of LJ -rifleman_s and artemisallen
A Slippery Situation
“Just how the friggin’ hell did that get down here?”
Orlando stood in the middle of the Slash cave and rubbed his head. (He didn’t really want to rub his head but Gatty liked his hair mussed up, so Silv wrote head rubbing.)
“It’s them again, isn’t it?” Sean said resignedly. He nodded upwards in a cryptic fashion indicating that he was blaming the authors for this one. “The only pair of perverts I know, who could possibly dump a tanker full of lube this far underground with no visible means of entry or exit is THEM!”
“Well, we can’t use it all ourselves,” Orlando complained. “I mean a good orgy is one thing, but this? There’s no way you and I, plus Vig, or even Karl and Eric can get through a tanker full!”
“We need to invite friends.” Viggo sauntered into the middle of the conversation waving a pen and some paper.
Sean turned to look at him. “Well, look at you,” he drawled. “All dressed up like a dish of fish. Very smart, Vig, but white silk bow-ties aren’t terribly practical for caves!”
“I kept the tie because it has OTHER USES,” said Viggo with a meaningful look at Orlando. “You know, tied around a stalagmite type uses!”
“Oh yes.” Sean was grinning now. “Party time then. Who shall we invite?”
“Jackman,” said Orlando quickly, which earned him a suspicious glare from both Sean and Viggo.
“Hey, Eric and Karl need another friend from down under. It evens up the numbers okay?”
Just then, Gatty arrived looking more harried than usual, which was saying a lot. “How did that get there?” she asked rhetorically (because the boys were usually too busy shagging to answer inane questions). Realisation dawned like a weak sun rising over the sewage works. “Oh no, I knew I should never have hired a Cave Troll to be the Slash Cave Services Manager.” (It doesn’t run itself you know…).
Silv thought about rolling her eyes, but managed not to because she is gracious like that. “In fairness, he is very useful for heavy lifting,” she commented.
“But absolutely bloody useless for Admin!” When I asked him to lay in a bulk order of lubricant I was thinking of a trip to Superdrug, not a fax to Fuchs.” Gatty fumed and summoned up her best shouty voice. “ Igor! Get that road tanker out of my cave NOW! And put that wall back how you found it!”
She stormed off.
Orlando/Legolas watched her go with a wistful expression. “Should I smite the Troll for Gatty? I’m particularly good at Cave Troll smiting as far as I recall.”
“No dear,” said Silv kindly, but sternly, “there will be no smiting, at least not until Igor has rebuilt that wall, so why don’t you do what you do best?”
“Which is?” Orlando asked innocently, if not terribly convincingly.
“Bending over and spreading your legs!” said a warm brown Aussie voice. Jackman had arrived. “Did you know you have a hole in your wall?”
“Is that meant to be some sort of euphemism?” asked Viggo.
“A you-fur what?” replied Hugh, with an exaggerated wink. “No mate, I was summoned and that can only mean you lot are one short for some sort of sexual shenanigans so I rushed right over.”
“Precisely,” interjected Silv, trying to restore some sort of order. “Now would you boys just get down to it?”
“But we need lube,” pointed out Sean, not unreasonably.
“Oh tsk, do you think that we wouldn’t keep an emergency back-up supply on site? The Slash Cave is a full service provider, I’ll have you know.” With that, and an application of the magic blue text, Silv produced a box containing at least half-a-dozen tubes of ‘personal’ rather than industrial grade lubricant and an assortment of toys, including a vibrating duck.
There were no further arguments – only a lot of satisfied moans!
Note 1. There will be no Cave Troll sex in the Slash Cave; like Pooh and Piglet sex, that’s just sick and wrong!
Note 2. Despite appearances, Hugh has spells of being the bottomiest bottom who ever bottomed, which is why he was the one bent over the sofa on this occasion; fortunately, the sofa has been reinforced since the ‘whipped cream incident’.
Note 3. Viggo’s bow-tie was pressed into service, but Sean was the lucky recipient as Orlando had donned a blond wig and was busily fingering his fletchings at the key moment. Orlando was soon persuaded to pay attention to more pressing matters, such as Hugh’s upturned arse, but not before Viggo was naked and Sean had uttered more curses than a warlock on Hallowe'en overtime.
Note 4. Eric and Karl were completely oblivious to this ‘poncing around’ as Eric would have called it, but then they are men of simple pleasures - burnished biceps, straining thighs, arched backs, bulging balls - but we’ll let them watch the rugby later...
Authors:
gattodoro & silvan_ladyCave Dwellers: Usual LOTR suspects and friends
Rating: R-ish
Warning: Crack!fic, inspired by a tanker of lube and some seriously warped conversation.
Authors' Note: Dedicated to two luscious ladies of LJ -
rifleman_s and artemisallenA Slippery Situation“Just how the friggin’ hell did that get down here?”
Orlando stood in the middle of the Slash cave and rubbed his head. (He didn’t really want to rub his head but Gatty liked his hair mussed up, so Silv wrote head rubbing.)
“It’s them again, isn’t it?” Sean said resignedly. He nodded upwards in a cryptic fashion indicating that he was blaming the authors for this one. “The only pair of perverts I know, who could possibly dump a tanker full of lube this far underground with no visible means of entry or exit is THEM!”
“Well, we can’t use it all ourselves,” Orlando complained. “I mean a good orgy is one thing, but this? There’s no way you and I, plus Vig, or even Karl and Eric can get through a tanker full!”
“We need to invite friends.” Viggo sauntered into the middle of the conversation waving a pen and some paper.
Sean turned to look at him. “Well, look at you,” he drawled. “All dressed up like a dish of fish. Very smart, Vig, but white silk bow-ties aren’t terribly practical for caves!”
“I kept the tie because it has OTHER USES,” said Viggo with a meaningful look at Orlando. “You know, tied around a stalagmite type uses!”
“Oh yes.” Sean was grinning now. “Party time then. Who shall we invite?”
“Jackman,” said Orlando quickly, which earned him a suspicious glare from both Sean and Viggo.
“Hey, Eric and Karl need another friend from down under. It evens up the numbers okay?”
Just then, Gatty arrived looking more harried than usual, which was saying a lot. “How did that get there?” she asked rhetorically (because the boys were usually too busy shagging to answer inane questions). Realisation dawned like a weak sun rising over the sewage works. “Oh no, I knew I should never have hired a Cave Troll to be the Slash Cave Services Manager.” (It doesn’t run itself you know…).
Silv thought about rolling her eyes, but managed not to because she is gracious like that. “In fairness, he is very useful for heavy lifting,” she commented.
“But absolutely bloody useless for Admin!” When I asked him to lay in a bulk order of lubricant I was thinking of a trip to Superdrug, not a fax to Fuchs.” Gatty fumed and summoned up her best shouty voice. “ Igor! Get that road tanker out of my cave NOW! And put that wall back how you found it!”
She stormed off.
Orlando/Legolas watched her go with a wistful expression. “Should I smite the Troll for Gatty? I’m particularly good at Cave Troll smiting as far as I recall.”
“No dear,” said Silv kindly, but sternly, “there will be no smiting, at least not until Igor has rebuilt that wall, so why don’t you do what you do best?”
“Which is?” Orlando asked innocently, if not terribly convincingly.
“Bending over and spreading your legs!” said a warm brown Aussie voice. Jackman had arrived. “Did you know you have a hole in your wall?”
“Is that meant to be some sort of euphemism?” asked Viggo.
“A you-fur what?” replied Hugh, with an exaggerated wink. “No mate, I was summoned and that can only mean you lot are one short for some sort of sexual shenanigans so I rushed right over.”
“Precisely,” interjected Silv, trying to restore some sort of order. “Now would you boys just get down to it?”
“But we need lube,” pointed out Sean, not unreasonably.
“Oh tsk, do you think that we wouldn’t keep an emergency back-up supply on site? The Slash Cave is a full service provider, I’ll have you know.” With that, and an application of the magic blue text, Silv produced a box containing at least half-a-dozen tubes of ‘personal’ rather than industrial grade lubricant and an assortment of toys, including a vibrating duck.
There were no further arguments – only a lot of satisfied moans!
Note 1. There will be no Cave Troll sex in the Slash Cave; like Pooh and Piglet sex, that’s just sick and wrong!
Note 2. Despite appearances, Hugh has spells of being the bottomiest bottom who ever bottomed, which is why he was the one bent over the sofa on this occasion; fortunately, the sofa has been reinforced since the ‘whipped cream incident’.
Note 3. Viggo’s bow-tie was pressed into service, but Sean was the lucky recipient as Orlando had donned a blond wig and was busily fingering his fletchings at the key moment. Orlando was soon persuaded to pay attention to more pressing matters, such as Hugh’s upturned arse, but not before Viggo was naked and Sean had uttered more curses than a warlock on Hallowe'en overtime.
Note 4. Eric and Karl were completely oblivious to this ‘poncing around’ as Eric would have called it, but then they are men of simple pleasures - burnished biceps, straining thighs, arched backs, bulging balls - but we’ll let them watch the rugby later...
no subject
Date: 2010-12-13 10:58 pm (UTC)