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slash_cave
Title: Lizzie's Birthday Revels
Author : ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif){kind=small}
gattodoro with stoic beta support from silvan_lady
Rating: NC17 (& pictures behind cut as NSFW)
Pairing: too many to mention - depending on your interpretation
Word Count: 1633
Disclaimer: As ever, if you believe anything in the slash_cave is real, then you are crazier than us, and that’s saying something!
Note: Posted for the indefatigable bluegerl on her birthday!
It has been a while since we’ve heard from the inhabitants of the Slash Cave, in part because Gattodoro lost the infamous blue pen down the back of the Slash sofa during a particularly vigorous 'writing' session and has had to wait for the long suffering upholstery to become vacant in order for her to retrieve it, but mostly because she has been too busy perving and generally misbehaving to put pen to paper (or finger to keyboard). Indolence is, however, not acceptable when there is a ‘Very Important Birthday’ to celebrate, hence Gatty is calling the boys to order.
A number of sleepy and/or dishevelled and grumbling men assemble in the kitchen. It has to be said that some are more dishevelled than others and one or two are in definite need of a shower, or possibly even a spin through a car wash!
“Okay boys, wake up, listen up and for goodness sake perk up! It is Lizzie’s birthday and we are throwing her a party.”
All grumbling ceases at the prospect of a party and there is a general stiffening (of posture, people, posture...) at this news. All the boys love Lizzie and are keen to please, but Sean and Viggo especially as they know they are her bestest boys. Unfortunately Sean is looking particularly dissolute this morning and rumpled like an unmade bed, likewise Viggo looks like he has been sleeping rough for a fortnight (anything is possible) and this will, not, do! Gatty orders them to the Slash Cave’s luxurious bathroom facilities with firm instructions to bath, shave, exfoliate and employ plenty of moisturiser (and lubricant if they really want to be prepared); there will be no sex until they are smartly turned out, and yes, that does mean suits. She then turns her gaze on the rest of the team and decides that there is nothing for it but to send them to the communal showers. ‘Reluctantly’ (yeah right, like you believe that) she follows – the drawback being that her glasses immediately steam up. The things one has to suffer for one’s art!
Fortunately, Gatty’s vision is fully restored in time for her to admire a line of naked bottoms jiggling their way into the capacious cubicle. Some have more jiggle than others, of course. Orlando’s is shapely, but minimal (though tanned all over, the naughty boy). Aidan’s is pert from all that time in the saddle, Eric has plenty to grab hold of (in all departments…) essentially there are variations in shape and plumpness all the way up to Hugh’s meaty rump. Something for everyone! A sudden cold draft gets the boys scuttling and heralds the arrival of Silv, hot foot from her shiny new office. Silv is, as ever, looking elegant and unruffled; though Gatty is sure she must have run all the way to arrive so soon after she had sent up the Slash signal. (It is a bit like Batman’s bat signal, but with … well, use your sordid imaginations!)
Gatty explains her plan, such as it is, i.e. get the boys clean before we get them dirty. Silv approves but comments that there is one noticeable oversight – it is a birthday party, there should be cake! They ponder sending one off the boys off to Patisserie Valerie in Old Compton Street but decide that all that cream, chocolate and delicious gayness in one place is just asking for trouble (not that they usually object to that sort of trouble) and that Lizzie deserves the personal touch. Gatty’s home baking not being up to scratch, they must call on their resident expert, Sean, who is presently happily splashing around in a bubble bath with Viggo and a rubber … duck (hah!). He grouses a bit about being called out before he’s even had a chance to deploy the loofah, but he likes baking and after a brisk rub down dons his apron and sets to work. They decide to leave Viggo soaking in the bath, there a few layers of grime to come off before he’ll be presentable, but they send the children - Orlando and Aidan - to scrub his back. (Silv was very clear in her instructions - scrubbing but no rubbing!).
At this point we (meaning the authors and anyone foolhardy enough to be reading this) have a dilemma – do we stay and watch a bunch of slippery Antipodeans and their pal frolicking in the shower (with Eric, Karl and Hugh plus Richard at play, it is a good thing the fixtures are robust!) or do we re-join Sean in the kitchen. Decisions, decisions. Did we mention that Sean is only wearing an apron and that it doesn’t cover his bum? There is a lot to be said for watching a man at work (rare event that it is) and it is getting slippery under foot in the bathroom so to the kitchen it is.
Sean is a bit if a diva in the kitchen - he is a bit of a diva in many situations, to be honest – but the results are worth the mess and in any case they have a dishwasher (Karl – he’s on chores for a month as penance for that incident with the cyclist and the bicycle pump.) There is a bit of swearing, some off key singing, but at last the cake itself is baked and cooling. The frosting can come later (as can Sean) – that will be a team effort because Eric will sulk if he isn’t allowed to lick the bowl. At least that’s what we think he said.
Back in the bathroom, Eric, Karl, Hugh and Richard seem to be as hot and sweaty as when they went in so Gatty hoses them down with cold water - cruel but necessary because at this rate they’ll never get ready in time - and Viggo is decreed to be clean enough. Silv decides to overlook his smug expression and Orlando and Aidan’s swollen lips because, frankly, it’s her own fault for leaving the three of them alone in the bath and she didn’t embargo sucking.
Now all they have to do is get the flat cleaned and decorated, which takes only a few seconds (blue pen to the rescue!) and get most of the boys into their suits – simply so we can get them out of them later you understand. This last part is much more difficult that you might expect, due to the arguments - whose shirt is that, who gets to wear the red silk bow tie, where the studs go (and we aren’t only talking about cuff links!) - and because Sir Ian has appeared unexpectedly to offer his expertise as a ‘Dresser’. Given how handsy the randy old goat is, he isn’t actually a help so in the end he is delegated to put the ‘children’ to bed. That will be the last we see of the three of them until morning!
Viggo, being Viggo refuses to wear a traditional black tuxedo - he claims, with some justification, that Eric, Hugh and Karl look like bouncers at a casino (albeit very handsome bouncers) and Richard looks like a chauffeur (must be the peaked cap) - and opts instead for the light summer suit and panama hat he wore in ‘The Two Faces of January’. This is, of course, seasonally inappropriate, but Silv and Gatty decide to concede the point as there is no way Lizzie is going to let him leave the building, especially looking like that.
Sean is still in the kitchen, knocking up some dainties and still wearing his easy-access black apron, but has acquired a dicky* and cuffs. There is a reason that the authors have left him so attired, and it is not just that he is a messy cook.
*A dicky is a false shirt front, you filthy minded people!
All is about to become clear because Lizzie has arrived - hurrah!
Sean, bless him, is so excited that he gives Lizzie a big hug and all but crushes her in his enthusiasm - look she has gone rather pink in the face (or is that because she is reaching around to grope his bum?). Put her down Sean! And get the kettle on, lad, for goodness sake. Silv and Gatty likewise give the guest of honour big hugs and then steer her gently to a comfortable seat with an excellent view of the kitchen … and the CCTV coverage of every other room (and you thought that Silv and Gatty had eyes in the back of their heads…).
That kettle is taking a damn long time to boil so Silv wisely decides to break out the bubbles - dehydration is a terrible thing - and Gatty hands Lizzie a present to unwrap, telling her to open it immediately as it is the type of present that is meant for sharing.
The wrapping paper is shredded in seconds; Lizzie opens the box within … and lets out a hoot of laughter that quickly becomes a wicked chuckle. Beanie - who has finally finished making the tea - can’t resist coming over to investigate.
This is Lizzie’s present - guess who gets to wear it *G*
Poor Beanie. It is his own fault really for coming into grabbing range, but there was no need to make such a fuss about having a butt plug popped into his plump posterior - admittedly it was on the cold side and butter isn’t an ideal lubricant whatever Marlon thinks, but he has much larger things up there all the time: Karl’s curvy cock for one. And don’t you agree that the one thing that could make this picture better is the addition of a fox tail? Thought so.
And after that ... well. That would be telling!
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Date: 2015-12-16 11:31 am (UTC)Oh Slash Cave... oh glorious Blue Pen and all those ----- ------ gaaaahhhhh
I have many suitable icons, 'thud'from Viggo, 'tis all Beans' with his boooooful bum, and I want to put them ALL up. Oh you darling darling people.... I don't think I deserve this honour... a PARTY FOR ME IN THE SLASH CAVE!!!!!!!! with a Beancake! Oh goddddddddd that bum and an icing bag....gaaaahh
Seriously I cannot - just can NOT stop weeping with laughter and love and delight, and my mind-pics are one moment in the bath with Vigs and the babes, or with Beany in the kitch, and as for that load of lush in the communal shower room. OH MYYYYYYYYY GOOOOOOODness. I am as horny as hell now! Can't get all that delish out of my head. How in HELL am I going to find my way to the kitch to get another coffeee.... I'm weak with laughter...
And as for THE Pressie....OH GATTY!!!!!!!!!!!! OH GATTY!!!!!!!!! Oh, it fits him a treat, and him all ready with wearing just a pinny....aaahh - OH GOD. THAT TAIL..oh whiskery whiskery..hahaha oh deary me. I can't laugh enough!
Oh THANK you. THANK YOU THANK THANK THANK YOU... this is so full of you two, and a blue pen (so GLAD they found it at last!) I'm going to copy it all and put it in my personal file for my 85th birthday. Cos seriously I MUST NOT LOSE IT! Dropbox will get it and dreamwidth and.... oh gosh. Thank you. My lovely filthy-minded corrupting friends.
This is turning out to be the BEST, FILTHIEST MIND_PIC'D, BIRTHDAY EVAH!
no subject
Date: 2015-12-21 03:15 pm (UTC)Glad it tickled your funny bone ... and other places!
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Date: 2015-12-17 10:28 pm (UTC)Oh, any excuse!!!
But now you have put pen to paper, what a brilliant picture; showers, baths, cooking, lack of clothes and bums everywhere!
no subject
Date: 2015-12-21 03:17 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2015-12-18 10:00 am (UTC)*fans self*
my love for the slash cave stories knows no bound :p
no subject
Date: 2015-12-21 03:19 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2016-03-07 11:39 am (UTC)Poor, poor Sean.... Not! One has to suffer for art and birthday girls. :)
I can't believe that my read-trough has come to an end here. Whatever will I do now without new slash cave adventures and the glorious blue pen? There might be an existential crisis coming up *sigh* I... I might have to work now that I've run out of distractions *shudders*
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Date: 2016-03-07 06:08 pm (UTC)Don't worry, we'll probably think of something soon to lead you astray.
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Date: 2016-03-07 07:45 pm (UTC)Work, combined with a nasty cold and no more slash cave goodness turns out to be quite a mood-damper :/