The Elves always steal the show. Happy Birthday [ profile] zee113

Aug. 2nd, 2013 10:28 pm
slash_cave: (Slash_cave)
[personal profile] slash_cave

Title: The Elves Always Steal the Show.
Author: [ profile] gattodoro
Banner: [ profile] silvan_lady
Rating: R
Pairing: Vigorli
Word Count: 495
Disclaimer: If you believe anything in the [ profile] slash_cave is real, then you are crazier than us, and that’s saying something!
Note: For the lovely [ profile] zee113 on her birthday on Saturday!

Text messages between two of our favourite actors... maybe!

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OB to VM:
Hey Vig, Guess where I am? Only Stone Street Studios on Soundstage K where we first ... well, you know *blushes*. But to get to the point Legolas is baaaack baby. The wig is on, the ears are on, the contacts are in (much more comfortable this time, thank God) and - YES! - the costume still fits. Tell Dom he can take back what he said about me getting porky.

VM to OB:
I believe that what he actually said was that you were getting porked, whatever that means *tongue-in-cheek*. Do the leggings still hug your thighs like a lover’s caress?

Wouldn’t you like to know! Actually I have a whole new costume and if I say so myself, Leggy looks smoking hot and seriously cool. Think lots of tight leather, if you know what I mean?

:-O I think I need photographic evidence, just for research purposes, you understand?

That can be arranged. Do you want an up the crotch shot?

How uncouth! Yes please! :-)

That’s my pervy Ranger. It feels kind of strange to be strapping on the knives and the bow and not have you ogling my arse.

Feeling kind of weird not to be there to ogle it. Wish the Professor had thought to put Aragorn into The Hobbit, but, even if he had, I don’t think even the miracle workers at Weta could de-age me enough to look plausible.

Even baby-faced Elves need a bit of foundation these days, not that I’ll admit that to Elijah. It’s not the years, it’s the mileage and the very best part of fourteen years hanging with a sex-maniac god like you means a LOT of mileage.

You say the nicest things. Is it my fault that I find you irresistible?

Sweet talking bastard. Probably not, but I can’t debate that now, I have to go practice riding a barrel, PJ has banned me from breaking any ribs this time.

As long as that’s all that you are riding! *growls possessively*

This Elf will not be fraternising with any Dwarves, however tall and sexy they may be in Real Life. (Don’t worry, they are all shagging each other; Ian is very happy with his matchmaking and voyeurism rights.) I will be amusing myself with my right hand and the dildo I modelled on your dick until I get home.

Ah, so that’s how I got Plaster of Paris in my pubes.

Yeah, sorry about that, but you were asleep and it seemed a shame to waste a good hard on. It was in a good cause.

I’ll give you that. Off you run then prissy Elf, go and be luminous and try not to fall over your own feet.

Damn cheek! I’ll be super smooth, well; I will be once the stunt guys do their stuff. Everybody knows that Leggy has to steal the show.

Leggy steals everything; he started with my moisturiser and finished with my heart. <3

Date: 2013-08-02 09:35 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
OMG - that was sooooooo funny and also sweet and adorable.

Date: 2013-08-13 09:50 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Well they are funny and sweet and adorable too, so that works!

Date: 2013-08-02 09:35 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
I could use some of that moisturizer and they've both always stolen my heart, so nothing new there. Thanks girls!

Date: 2013-08-13 09:46 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Will I get a thump if I suggest Viggo has reached the age where he might need to steal the moisturiser back?

Date: 2013-08-13 10:49 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
I'll share if he will! ;)

Date: 2013-08-02 09:52 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Funny and nice, but much too short!

Date: 2013-08-13 09:51 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Thanks, I'll tell my partner-in-crime to write some more!

Date: 2013-08-02 10:17 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]

Lovely my dear!
Always nice to get a peek behind the scenes!


Date: 2013-08-13 09:49 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
LOL, I knew it was you lurking behind the curtains!

Date: 2013-08-02 10:30 pm (UTC)
nverland: (Default)
From: [personal profile] nverland
*G* I love birthdays around here! That was great!

Date: 2013-08-13 09:52 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Thanks, birthdays are a great excuse to dust off the cobbwebbs and wield the blue pen!

Date: 2013-08-02 10:49 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
So funny and cute and lovely :)

Date: 2013-08-13 09:50 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
You left off 'deranged' *G*

Date: 2013-08-03 03:31 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Hee hee, I love this "peek" into their lives :)

Date: 2013-08-13 09:53 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Thank you, there's a lot of 'peeking' around here, you'd be amazed what can be seen sometimes!

Date: 2013-08-03 07:23 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Made me chuckle out loud, this one. Just perfect. :)

Date: 2013-08-13 09:51 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Chuckling is good - thanks!

Date: 2013-08-03 09:57 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Teehee. I am a little concerned actually that this was all tweeted!!!! You - and they - have remembered that the Governments of both sides of the Pond are monitoring and checking and reading and SPYING ON everything that is going on!!!!!!!!??? HAVE YOU????

So now the gossip round the White House is that Viggo Mortensen has Plaster of Paris in his pubes???? hahahaha. and I bet that certain Senator or whoever that's trying to run for Mayor of New York would be furiously searching for 'ELVES' in Google.

oh sporfles...

Date: 2013-08-13 09:57 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
If that's the case do you think GHQ would agree to share the photos that Leggy is going to send? Especially the up-the-crotch shot? Or do you think they keep them for their own amusement?

I have a friend who works there, I may have to have a word...

Date: 2013-08-03 08:56 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
"...he started with my moisturiser and finished with my heart."

Awwww, romance is not yet dead! *chortles*

Date: 2013-08-13 09:51 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Damn those sneak-thief Elves *G*

Date: 2013-08-03 10:59 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
That last line gets an Awwwwwwwww.

Date: 2013-08-13 09:58 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Gatty gets all the credit for that, it was adorable I agree!

Date: 2013-08-04 01:16 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Heh! You guys are crazy and awesome and I'm absolutely, deeply touched (and not just in the head)! Thank you!

Aragorn really used moisturizer? He didn't look it or did he? =D But of course Leggy steals everything! How come they can be so sweet even when horny? =D

(Apparently I can't stop grinning like a loon.)

Date: 2013-08-13 09:53 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Crazy? Yup, that's us alright. The sweetness is all down to the Ranger and his Elf

Date: 2013-08-04 06:28 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
I just love these texts. Martha

Date: 2013-08-13 10:00 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Their thumbs must have been positively flying over the buttons, don't think?


Date: 2013-08-04 07:47 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
I love these birthday gifts, are splendid. And the boys are unique, beautiful and so romantic. ^ ____ ^

Date: 2013-08-13 09:54 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Thank you, all credit is due to the boys.

Date: 2013-08-04 09:06 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
what a great birthday gift,sweet and adorable,loved it.

Date: 2013-08-13 10:00 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Thanks, glad you enjoyed it, we certainly did!

Date: 2013-08-05 01:05 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Sweet and fun! Love it!

Date: 2013-08-13 09:55 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Cheers - and thanks for using the brooding Richard icon, very yummy.

Date: 2013-08-14 12:15 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
*g* You're welcome!

Date: 2013-08-05 04:43 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
lol lol lol, these two will always have a special place in my heart, just like the crazy writers of these crazy stories!!

Date: 2013-08-13 10:02 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Well, in that case, we are in very good company!

Date: 2014-04-04 06:23 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
LOL That conversations is just right for those two! More!

Date: 2014-04-30 12:52 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Always! LOL

Date: 2016-03-06 11:01 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Oh... Oooooooh *grins silly at the last sentece*

(And I'm sure Orlando could make a fortune by selling dildos modelled after our Ranger... if the movie business gets boring I see an alternative career waiting for him :D )

Date: 2016-03-06 06:31 pm (UTC)
ext_122933: (Slash Cave Gattodoro)
From: [identity profile]
Excellent idea - we must look into that for the Slash Cave gift shop ... and just imagine the funs we can having in the product design stage *G*

Date: 2016-03-07 12:42 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Excellent idea, my dear!

Fun and profit - is there any better combination?

And if the dildo-line is successful, you could think about adding that to the shop:


Date: 2016-03-07 09:02 am (UTC)
ext_122933: (Slash Cave Gattodoro)
From: [identity profile]
LMFAO! What a brilliantly ridiculous product. Yes we'll definitely need something like that. *makes notes*

Date: 2016-03-07 01:23 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Yes, the chocolate anus is very definitely one of the most brilliantly ridiculous products ever. I'm so very in love with this absurd idea!

Just imagine how they must have stumbled over this idea!
~ *preps partner* " know what love? I think we could make serious money with your butt..." *looks around* *has an idea* "hang on a sec, I think...." *runs off to the kitchen to melt some chocolate* "riiiight... spread those lovely cheeks for me, sweetie....and stick your butt a bit more in the air..." *pours chocolate* "mhhhhhm....yeah....yeah I think that could work!" ~

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