slash_cave: (Slash_cave)
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Title: Sunblock

Author:     silvan_lady  & gattodoro

Pairing:     Orlando/Eric

Rating:     R

Wordcount: 365

Crossposted: [ profile] switch_bottoms [ profile] orlandoslash
This is a Slash_Cave crack fic, which started as a series of texts and has no basis is reality - blame our filthy minds and opposable thumbs.

Orlando lay baking on the sun lounger, determined to acquire an all over tan before he started filming. No make-up girl was going to rub quick tan down there!

Nope, rubbing 'down there' was Eric's job, and he was exceptionally good at it. Just thinking about his lover was making Orlando hard and he could almost imagine Eric's hand was right there, it felt so real...

A suddenly cold shock on his most tender part made him yelp and his eyes flew open to find Eric standing over him with an upturned bottle of sunblock.

"That's mine and you are NOT getting it sunburnt!"

Orlando's expression of shock turned quickly into a seductive smirk.

"I was just thinking about you,” he purred, shamelessly. “As I'm not going to get much of a tan with you blocking out the light, perhaps we should put that sunblock to another use?"

Eric unconsciously licked his lips as he watched a trickle of perspiration wind its way downwards like a possessive lover’s touch, moving inexorably from Orlando’s flat stomach toward the dark curls framing his sex.  He was greatly tempted to throw caution - and clothes - to the wind, but common sense prevailed. Barely.

"No way nature boy, that shit stings and rubs off way too quickly. Once was enough thanks, and coconut scented farts and a sore arse aren't my idea of a good time."

Orlando pouted - he was hot and horny and he wanted Eric to do something about it immediately, if not sooner.  Eric relented, as he was always going to, despite his misgivings about the potential for his love life to be captured for posterity on Google Earth. "Okay, but first I'm going to fetch the strawberry lube... and the aerosol cream!”

As Eric moved off at an impressive speed considering the heat, Orlando shifted himself and his towel onto the grass - the sun lounger was robust but painful experience had demonstrated that it couldn’t take the weight of two frisky men. He made himself comfortable and resumed languidly fisting his thickening erection while pondering the unexpected benefits of Eric’s sweet tooth. The man really would do anything for an English ‘cream tea’!



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Date: 2014-08-05 08:29 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Well, that sure is an unusual strawberry! ;)

Loved the fic :) x

Date: 2014-10-14 09:21 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
The slash cave garden has fruits of many shapes and various sizes. The other guys didn't believe Sean when he said talking to the plants made a difference. Now they are very wary of shagging in the garden!


Date: 2014-08-06 12:57 am (UTC)
nverland: (Default)
From: [personal profile] nverland
eric is so easy. Love the berry

Date: 2014-10-14 09:22 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
What Orlando wants Orlando gets, especially if it's Eric in this case!

Date: 2014-08-06 11:10 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Gud greef.. the thort ov Orlan's nekked corpse... I kan ardly rite....

And that sweat drop ... watched a trickle of perspiration wind its way downwards like a possessive lover’s touch, moving inexorably from Orlando’s flat stomach toward the dark curls framing his sex

and then... e plais wiv it!

Ime all gone gooey.

Date: 2014-10-14 09:23 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Oops! Hope you have got over being gooey? Gooey is nice but hell on the keyboard...

Date: 2014-08-06 05:27 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Ahahaha! Bit of common sense prevailed, but oh the fun they're going to have... What a lovely image... hahah!

Date: 2014-10-14 09:25 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Oh yes, just imagine that delicious cream ooozing out, just waiting for Eric to lick it up :-)

Date: 2014-08-06 06:00 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]

Very thankful for your filthy minds and opposable thumbs!!

Brilliant pictures, too!

Date: 2014-10-14 09:26 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
My darling Gatty gets picture credit this time - she is a positive genius at finding the most suggestive images. But I wonder... maybe Sean has been talking to the plants again and the strawberry is from the slash cave garden?

Date: 2014-08-06 08:08 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
So funny - I'm sure Eric was looking for a bit of action all along ;)
That is a very interesting strawberry.

Date: 2014-10-14 09:28 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
We told Sean that reading slash fic to the fruit and vegetables really wasn't a good idea, but he insisted that talking to the plants was good for them!

Date: 2014-08-06 10:23 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
That is wrong on so many levels!

Uhm... the strawberry, that is...
The rest is just the way it should be! :)

Thanks ladies!

Date: 2014-10-14 09:30 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
We think we would like to see the 'strawberry' topped with cream. *waggles eyebrows suggestively*

P.s. Can't be wrong, it's 100% natural and fruit is good for you.

Date: 2014-10-14 10:18 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Good idea, although that sort of spoils the it's 100% natural and fruit is good for you

Still... very, very nice!

Date: 2014-08-07 10:03 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Love the picture. Of course the fic isn't bad either. Orlando is naughty though and its just the way we like him.

Date: 2014-10-14 09:31 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Naughty Orlando is definitely an essential ingredient to Eric cream tea!

Date: 2014-08-17 02:20 am (UTC)

Date: 2014-10-14 09:31 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Thank you :-)

Date: 2016-03-06 07:35 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
The strawberry!!!! Oh my, the fucking strawberry *ROFLMAO*

And Eric, what's wrong with coconut-scented farts? ;)

Date: 2016-03-06 09:15 pm (UTC)
ext_122933: (Slash Cave Gattodoro)
From: [identity profile]
If the Slash Cave had a fruit farm (one day...) we'd grow strawberries just like that .

Eric just doesn't care for coconut - he much prefers strawberries and 'cream'!

Date: 2016-03-07 12:51 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]

Riiiiiiight--- memo to myself: no drinking while reading comments from now on

*mops up screen and keyboard*

Strawberries and cream ... of course! ;)
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