Welcome to the BatCave - Happy Birthday [livejournal.com profile] laura_iskra

Aug. 20th, 2013 09:30 am
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Title: Welcome to the BatCave
Authors[livejournal.com profile] silvan_lady and [livejournal.com profile] gattodoro
Rating: R
Pairing: OB/KU/RA
Word Count:1117
Note: Happy Birthday to the lovely [livejournal.com profile] laura_iskra

Welcome to the BatCave

“Hello Karl,” said Orlando, eying the determined chin under the black rubber mask.

“Humph!” The habitually taciturn Kiwi was even more reluctant than usual to speak as his eyes darted from side to side weighing up his companions.

“Nice to see you again, Orlando,” Richard said. “And I must say black leather suits you just as well as green.”

Orlando turned around slowly, well aware that the movement made the black cape swing out and reveal an enticing amount of rubber clad leg and torso. “You’ve grown Richard,” he teased, “And had a shave!”

“Very amusing,” the ex-Dwarf King drawled. “And apparently you’ve put on a bit of weight, in all the right places, if I may say so. Been working out, have we?”

“For Pete’s sake,” Karl grumbled, “Can you two stop flirting with each other, and explain what the fuck we are doing here, dressed like this?”

“No clue,” shrugged Richard, “but I can’t say I’m complaining. “It’s better than a dwarf suit any day.”

Orlando rolled his eyes. “Karl, you really should be used to it by now. It’s them!” he glanced upwards at the seemingly blank ceiling. “Admittedly, this is all new to Richard, as he’s a bit late to the party, but you don’t see him complaining, do you?”

“And by them you mean?” Richard let the question hang in the air, when it seemed obvious that Karl was sulking.

“Silv and Gatty,” said Orlando as though the explanation was obvious. “Someone mentioned that we were all in the running for the part of Batman, so it’s pretty easy to put two and two together. Silv and Gatty decided that was too good a rumour to waste, so here we are. Don’t worry Richard, they don’t hurt us, well not much, and we get to have great sex.”

“Not hurt!” Karl was incredulous. “Have you any idea what Gatty did to me in Hard Man? I was sliced, punched and shot, and it was bloody freezing in Moscow.”

“And you got to have great sex,” Orlando finished triumphantly.

“And what about you and Silv?”

Silv: And what about us? Has Karl been reading my mind again?

Gatty: Shhh! Let the boys play!


Karl ignored the interruption. “What hasn’t she done to you? You’ve been shot, fried, kidnapped, thrown down stairs, almost killed in an aircrash and washed away in a flash flood!”

“And I got to have great sex!”

Richard looked between the pair them. “Great sex with whom?” He had his priorities (and his grammar) right.

“Everyone,” said Orlando with a beaming smile. “Well known fact, I get everyone!”

“Eric,” said Karl and pouted. “Okay, sometimes Orlando, and I am not complaining, but mainly Eric and he’s not here. He’s a superhero too.”

“But he was green,” objected Orlando. “I don’t want to have sex with the jolly green giant, and when he transforms, goodness knows what happens to his...”

“Orlando! That’s not important!” Karl wouldn’t stand for anyone insulting his Eric.

“It’s important if you’re written as the bottom as often as I am,” said Orlando with feeling.

“So we’re here because they want it?” Richard was catching on. In particular he had caught on to the possibility that Orlando might be persuaded to bottom because that was an idea that had kept him warm on many a chill New Zealand night.

“That’s about it.” Orlando looked at his companions and then at the ceiling. “But they seem to have forgotten something.” He coughed. “Ladies? A casting couch is required in these circumstances I believe?”


There was an embarrassed silence and then with a wave of the magic blue pen, a casting couch appeared, complete with several cushions, a couple of velvet throws and a coat stand with three large ornate hooks at the top.

As ever, Silv’s facility with interior design concepts met with approval. Karl eyed the coat stand speculatively, but decided that it wasn’t sturdy enough to tie Orlando to if he decided to play hard to get … not that he ever did … and used it for its intended purpose instead. Capes just weren’t practical in confined spaces, not to mention the leather suit was warm enough on its own. He pondered stripping out of it but realised that the ladies probably appreciated its aesthetic appeal or they wouldn’t have written him into it in the first place. Fortunately, the codpiece was only held on with snap fasteners so that he did dispense with, as did Richard, who was turning out to be a very quick study. Orlando was already bent over arranging the cushions and throws on the couch so that he was perfectly presented for his ‘audition’, which fortuitously meant that his bottom was perfectly presented for groping; Karl and Richard took their cue and took a cheek each, both immediately aware that they were rising to the occasion.

“Oi,” complained Orlando half-heartedly as he tried to fight his way free of his cape, which had either fallen, or, more likely, been thrown over his head. Edna Mode (*The Incredibles) was so right, they were a complete fashion no-no for a would-be superhero, “Don’t I at least get to make a big entrance?”

“I was rather hoping that would be my part,” Richard quipped.

Karl sniggered, “And I’m looking forward to the happy ending.”

“Oh for goodness sake,” Orlando forcibly removed the hands that were still molesting his arse - he really had been working out - span round and, with a decidedly un-Batmanlike flounce, threw himself back onto the couch. “Well, come on then, ravish me!” he cried.

So Karl and Richard did.

Many hours and a lot of talcum powder passed by before the Batsuits were discarded and something like normality resumed. if you can call ‘luvvy’ squabbling over which of them deserved to be cast, normal. Finally, Silv and Gatty had to intervene, if only because they were running out of blue ink.

“The solution is obvious,” they said firmly, “Orlando looks fabulous in black tie, so he’s ideal for the playboy Bruce Wayne, Richard is suave and intellectual, so he can run Wayne Enterprises and Karl has the firm jaw and firm thighs, so he can wear the suit and beat up the bad guys. So you can share the role, at least in The Slash Cave production, and Richard, please bend over, we’ll you’ll feel so much better about life when Karl has given you a good rogering.

And so peace and sanity returned to the Slash Cave. Until the next time.

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